One of the things that bothers me the most and I’m unsure if it’s because of dysthymia or depression or whatever, is that I just lose momentum or motivation abruptly. After I’m out of the shower and doing the usual daytime mundane activities I just hit a wall of indecisiveness. I start and stop things because I thought I wanted to do one thing, then I immediately change my mind and “ping pong” between multiple things without actually enjoying them or getting any kind of stimuli really. Whenever this happens I just go lie down. Sometimes listening to nothing, but most of the time I put on a bilateral stimulation Playlist on youtube and just meditate to that. It actually keeps me from trying to force an activity because I know the only reason I’m forcing myself to do something is because I don’t want to feel lazy or unproductive, and if I try to force actions I become more uncomfortable and my emotions become too sensitive. It was hard to do at first because I felt I did it too much, but it turns out that it’s actually the thing I want to do most.
I don’t want a story or to follow along to something because I can’t just have something on, I have to engage with it. I’m always thinking and it’s friggin annoying so sometimes just calming down and letting my thoughts drift to the positives allows me to continue just being. It probably sounds strange because I know many people believe they don’t have time; that there isn’t a moment for a pause or break because that will lead to doing another activity you feel needs to be done. Hopefully people learn to trust in their relationships a bit more to ask for a bit of help with anything they need help with: cleaning, focus on work, babysitting, cooking… You can reach out for anything, it doesn’t always have to be a party or something. We all need rest in our own way and you’d be surprised how many people close to you want the same for you.
Something With Nothing 