I Don’t Pray

I’m not particularly a religious person although there are some religions I do gush over because of the ideals behind them (Buddhism, Sikhism, Hinduism), but that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in something. I do believe in people-HEAR ME OUT AND STOP LAUGHING! What I mean is that people have the capacity to do great things or become great inspiration for our daily lives. Some people can attribute that to their religious practices and you can see how seriously they take it because it shows in their ability to accept and know you. Of course there are assholes everywhere, they’re even in the stories of Gods… but we are supposedly made from these same Gods images, so you’re always gonna have your crap pile. I wouldn’t particularly consider myself spiritual because I don’t necessarily like the term, but I usually consider myself a critical thinker or philosopher. I do this because sometimes the stuff for my senses make sense; good food or a perfect song you want to hear, that sorta thing I can explain. Things I can’t explain are things that are bonkers that make total sense to me: the vibrations of knowing someone is thinking about me before they text/call, numerology (no idea why, but works for me), and knowing when I’m somewhere that is exactly where I need to be. Internally, I feel gifted and seen by something. Guiding me to a place I have no idea where it’s leading, but it is specifically meant for me. I can see that in other people too, at least those who try not to choose anger or abuse of anything so freely. But they have their purpose too, possibly to remind us we have a long way to go before becoming a better species? Or maybe just to remind us that the world we believe we interact with still has things we have yet to interact with… I don’t know.

I meditate a lot though and then immediately sleep without realizing I was asleep. It’s like one minute you’re peacefully inhaling and exhaling, the next minute it’s 2 hours later. It helps me when I feel overstimulated or anxious, but I had to teach myself to not just do it when I need to get rid of bad feelings. I needed to do it when I felt good as well because I never stopped to be with myself enough to just say “I am happy and I am happy here. Now.” and that was one of the more difficult things I am still trying to understand. Have I been so distracted by the world that I never took a moment to be with myself and say “Hey, I love this for us right now.”, and me goin “You are absolutely correct awkward British accent that speaks to me”. I speak to myself in different accents to make myself laugh, it’s neither here nor there, but it’s hilarious. Anyway, what made me accept calming down but not accepting inactive happiness? Why did I have to feel accomplished instead of remembering that I have accomplished and I am still here? Honestly, it’s just the world. It’s our titles. Mother, Father, Husband, Wife, accountant, brother, sister, cashier, clerk, bartender… All of these things we think of being all the time because we don’t have the safety in the world, and unfortunately for some, in close proximity to us to tell us “Today, just be you not who you the world needs you to be today.”.

I don’t pray, but I hope for everyone I know and care for (even the ones I will never speak to again). I do my best to be a part of different communities while also bolstering vision for my own. I try. I don’t pray, I just try everyday. And I push forth my energy through meditation that I know you are trying every day and I celebrate it.