When I lived in Panama we had a computer class where we learned how to type first with typewriters (I’m not old, that was what they gave us first) and then later we used computers with games like Number Munchers, Oregon Trail, Math Blaster… the classics. I’m pretty sure we learned typing from the Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing software later on. Anyway, the goal for most of us was to do the classwork as fast as humanely possible so we could “chat” on the innanets. I can’t remember what we used, but it was internal and the class could chat with other people and send messages/emails to everyone. I, being the class clown, decided to write comedic skits and send them to everyone. Obviously cringey probably if I ever saw them now (it was 98), but one specific one got my “privileges” taken away and that was me sending messages to the class as Bill Clinton. *sigh* Again, I told you it was cringey. So I log onto the thing ready to send some more dumbass jokes and the teacher told me that I had my “chat” privileges taken away because I was “impersonating someone else”. I want you to sit with that for a bit and how hilarious it is now that that was a thing to get in trouble for with where we’re at now with social media and people literally creating personas to hide behind a false identity. I knew that wasn’t the reason so I was under the impression I basically went past the line I was supposed to because I most definitely toed the line when it came to what was appropriate. To be honest, I’m glad that they were taken away because I wouldn’t have had time to understand truly what I was doing with that one political “satire” specifically, and that was making Monica Lewinsky a punchline.
I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned understanding the part I played not only in upholding the patriarchy and promoting sexism/misogyny to some extent with how the women were usually the focus of the problem and not the actions of the men that were truly the issue, but as a 13-14 year old I had no clue wtf I was talking about. It’s not an excuse, but it does show how little I was taught about bigger idealistic values. Sure I wanted to have fun, but fun at the expense of others is simply a privilege of power. I only got upset because my privilege was taken away, not because of what I did. Now that I think about it, I think I had to actually write an apology letter to the class… I think about that moment often because it was an actual moment of truly not knowing the effects of what I was doing/saying. Did I get better after that? Of course not. I used comedy to avoid pain as a kid like most kids my age did. I didn’t start understanding things until I started listening and lets say I didn’t really listen until my 20s and even then it was still selective. I know everyone doesn’t grow mentally at the same rate because SO many factors play into what and how we learn. I wanted (want) to be funny, but I also want to be accurately funny. What I mean is that I want the punchline to be meaningful and not a weapon or an excuse to hide. By using Monica Lewinsky as a punchline, I was shaming women for being abused by power when I should’ve been punching up. This might explain why I don’t like “low hanging fruit” because it’s reactionary to your first thought.
“It’s not that serious Chris, it’s just a joke”, but it isn’t. A joke comes from studying and practice, similar to telling a story. Everyone wants to be funny not just because of the euphoria they get, but the release it gives for others. Also, if you have to tell someone it’s just a joke then you ain’t funny. We know you tried, it was bad, take the L.
So what’s the point of this? I would say an open and public apology to Monica Lewinsky and women in general. Obviously it ain’t like I’m on anyone’s radar, but it is necessary to acknowledge your shortcomings instead of just thinking your growth in exposure or funds means everything you’ve done was worthy. We’re human and as tiny humans we were dum dums; as a fully formed human we want to be less of that. So yeah, I understood a bit more throughout the years and I’m still learning how to be less of a pain on my neighbors/communities/planets existence, and it has taken nothing away from me but given so much more space to others which is what we all want. Also just to show how time works, I’m now an absolute fan of Monica Lewinsky. She went through true hell and was a scapegoat for so much of the U.S’ insecurities, and now she is an anti-bully activist and genuinely an absolute diamond pressed from public pressure. Some of us still hold onto being made fun of in high school; imagine a country spending their waking moments trying to make your life hell AND that being a source of income for people. Sheesh. I can barely function in silence.
Something With Nothing 